you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We are all done wearing pants today
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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