I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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