It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
