what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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