When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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