I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
