hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I looked at my own cervix.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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