youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
