I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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