i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
