So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
