so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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