not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
