and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize