her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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