I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have aggressive nipples.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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