I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize