last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
