Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize