Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
