so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
