i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
