areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize