I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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