did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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