Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
