Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
These tits shall not be calmed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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