i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
