xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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