Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize