Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
