and she was petting her beer can
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize