Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
