Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
