okay pat passed out under dana's car
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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