Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize