WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
