Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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