I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
