i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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