i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
