Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
