i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
