So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
