Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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