I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
