We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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