his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
