Sorry, I don't speak sober.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
