What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
