btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
