a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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