First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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