he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
