You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
