Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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