Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
