I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
