I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
