That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I want is dick and wine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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