HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
