The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
