Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
