I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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