Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
