she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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