$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
