the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
