my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
