matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize