Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
