I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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