You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
